Looking back on my grandma and her obsession with...me, it's hard for other people to understand why it's a bad thing. If you ignore the fictious disorder imposed on another, severely inappropriate personal stories, encouragement of dangerous activities, and teaching me to lie...I guess she would seem like the best lady in the world.
One of the worst parts was that she validated everything I did. Every tiny little thing I did was lauded as the greatest thing a human has ever done. If I didn't succeed at something, it wasn't because of a deficit on my part, it was always about how the judges, other competitors, or their parents were in the wrong and they just don't see how great I am.
The other side of this sword was that I had to do what she wanted. Clothes, hair, school, activities, boys...everything. If she liked it, I had to do it. If I didn't want to do it, she'd bribe me.
I received validation in so many ways. Financially, verbally, emotionally, even physically. I knew that no matter what I did, I would either get a sure-fire excuse for why I'm the best but people just don't realize it or I'm the greatest thing ever. Full stop. That's it.
I was told I was the prettiest, smartest, most likeable person ever. If I had an attitude, she came up with some weird reason as to why it was ok. If I did something wrong, she would blame it on my mom or my grandpa and how they'd caused me to go so far. I never learned to be responsible for myself or how to take care of myself. She was grooming me to be a trophy wife and not a good one.
As I got older and she did as well, she wasn't able to leave the house as much so I was left to my own devices with a financial backer. I'd make the most stupid decisions and then she'd bail me out, excuse it, and protect me from the consequences. I didn't know about a lot of my abuse when I was little because she hid it from me or would lie to me about what actually happened and make it seem not as bad.
Now as an adult, I have sought out validation wherever I could get it. In former years it was from external sources, other people or partners. It's so difficult to validate yourself when you've spent your whole life with an actual cheerleader telling you that you're the actual greatest thing to ever exist. Is this why I'm so accepting of most people? Because I know they will validate me? Does my want for validation make me a better or worse friend? UGH.
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